IS THE CHURCH LISTENING TO WHAT CHILDREN SAY?

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Why listen to children

Is the church listening to what children say?

Why listen to children?

Article 12 UN Rights of the Child states:
Parties shall assure to the child who is capable of forming his or her own views the right to express those views freely in all matters affecting the child, the views of the child being given due weight in accordance with the age and maturity of the child.

Churches should be affecting children’s lives and therefore they should be able to express their views about church and clubs that they go to within church.

Do children always get what they ask for?

Be very careful when you ‘consult’ children. Make sure they don’t up feeling their ideas are never listened to.

The best way to do this is to offer a CHOICE (parameters). So rather than saying ‘What time would you like the club to be?’, you say ‘Do you want the club to be at 6, 7 or 7.30?’ Rather than saying ‘What would you like as a snack after church?’ You say ‘For snack, do you want biscuits or fruit?’ That way children are making a decision AND won’t be disappointed.

Who makes the decisions?

Draw a picture of who makes decisions in your church so that the children understand the process of changing or bringing about new ideas. If it is not a good structure, as an adult, help the rest of the church to see that the structure needs changing so that children’s voices can be taken into account.

There are some decisions that belong to adults and can not be made by children (legal and authority ones) BUT they can be involved in that process and tell adults what they think. Be up front with the children about possible outcomes ‘You have a voice and a say but you don’t have a final say’ (especially over employment issues such as appointing a new vicar or children’s worker).

Listening doesn’t mean children always get what they want. BUT it does mean their opinions are taken into account and if what they are asking for can’t be done, it is explained to the children why it can’t be done.

Always keep the children informed. Let the children know when you will get back to them after they have submitted/given their opinions about something. Make sure you go back to them and explain what has happened as a result of their comments.

Are children central or sidelined?

You’re probably already convinced that children should play a central part in church life, but is your church? Have a think about these….

Are you often the lone voice going on about children?
How are children asked to leave the services?
Is there any tutting or moaning when children are in church?
Is there any performing, clapping and displaying of children?
Is there a budget for children’s work? How does it compare to other areas of spending?
Is the building child friendly?
Is the all-age worship child friendly?
What welcome do children get when they arrive at church?
When did the church last teach about parenting?
When did the church last teach about developing faith with children?
Does the church admit children to communion?
Do children get asked what they think?
Do children help plan services?
Do children lead worship or speak in church?
Do children play in church music groups or the choir?
Do children have a voice in the church hierarchy?
Are children invited to observe at PCC or other meetings?
18. Do children get told about any big changes coming up e.g. change of vicar, building projects etc.

he Diocese of Liverpool has lots of information about making your church child friendly. Check it out at: Child Friendly Church Award.

http://www.liverpool.anglican.org/index.php?p=402

How do we listen to children?

Here is some helpful advice for parents from NSPCC about listening to children, whatever their age. All of this advice would also work when we are talking about children in the Family of God too. Downlaod it for free from http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/publications/listening_to_children_wda73923.html

Summary of the TOP TIPS
• Give your full attention
• Let them speak first
• Practise reflective listening with small children
• Let your child know that you understand how he feels
• Involve your children in family discussions
• Respect your child
• Don’t be too critical
• Don’t shout or nag
• Reassure your child’s worries
• Don’t brush problems aside
Try to work out a way of giving each child some special time.

What do children feel about church or your group?

Have you ever put yourself in a child’s shoes and thought about church/kids groups from their perspective? Next Sunday, try getting on your knees and look around your church building from a child’s eye level – you will be amazed how different it looks and you may understand why some children find it a scary place to be.

Every child will have something to say but they won’t always say it verbally. They may say it by what they don’t come to or won’t join in with. They may say it by their behaviour.

There are many ways to listen

Listening is a process which can be supported by different techniques, activities and equipment incorporated into weekly opportunities – for example, observation, conversations, using puppets and cameras. Consultations with children often work well using a multi method approach with consideration of children’s ages, interests, capabilities and consent.

Listening with familiar adults
It is vital that children are listened to by adults who know them well. Children need to be comfortable and able to trust that what they share is valued and respected. Familiar adults will have knowledge about the child’s language and development to enable them to reflect on meaning with children. Don’t get a church warden or PCC member to ask children things unless the children know them very well.

Listening requires learning from children
Reflective practitioners use what they see, and hear, from young children to inform their interaction and planning with children. Assumptions may need to be challenged in recognising children’s capabilities, with practice changing as needed. As children’s leaders and church leaders, we need to observe, listen and reflect on what children tell us through their words, their body language and their behaviour.

‘Listen to a child’ pack – can be downloaded from Diocese of Liverpool website

http://www.liverpool.anglican.org/index.php?p=790

This pack provided a variety of activities to use in your own situations, whether Sunday school or all-age gatherings, to encourage responses and discussions to discover how children and young people may feel about their church and to promote listening.

Feedback from all-ages is a healthy exercise and Church Councils can use it for planning the future vision of the church and community.

How to use the pack
Feeding of the 5000 script
Church Godly Play image sheet
Boat origami 1
Boat origami 2
Possible ideas for use in church

Blob church illustration sheet (see below)

Blob church question sheet
Head, Heart Mouth, Bin exercise
The Picnic (under 5s)
Feeding of the 5000 (under 5s)
A picture exercise
Envelope basket craft

Ways of discovering what children think about church

Ask the children the following questions, ask a separate adult to record the answers given so the facilitator can purely focus on engaging and making eye contact with the children.

I wonder what part of church you like the most?
I wonder what is the most important thing about church?
I wonder if there is anything of church life we could leave out and still have all the church we need?
I wonder if church was a animal/ book/chocolate bar (delete as appropriate) what would it be and why?
I wonder what Kids Church be like?
I wonder what makes you happy in church? confused ? sad ? angry ? sleepy ?
I wonder what God says about how important you children are?
Does church make you feel as important as God does?
If you could takeover church one Sunday morning and tell the grown-ups what to do – what sort of things would you include and get adults to do?

Methods

Small group discussion

Write or draw answers on post-it notes and stick them onto big sheets or a picture of church. Click hereto print ‘World’s worst church’ template and allow children to list all the things that would make it the worst church in the world, and then repeat for ‘World’s best church’

Lay out a big roll of paper and get the children to gather round and write or draw their responses.

Give each child a camera and ask them to take pictures of things that make the church a happy place, or simply walk them around the church and write down the answers they tell you.

Stick up pictures of different expressions of faces around the room and call out statements. Children run to the face that applies to them e.g. Which face best shows how you feel when you go through the door to the church? Which face best shows how you feel when we take communion?
When all the children have gone to the relevant face, you can follow up with questions to individuals – “Beth, when you feel group time is confusing do you know why that is?” or “Joel, what makes you happy about group time?”. Be careful not to be judgemental in how you respond to the children. They must not get the impression their feelings are ‘wrong’, even if you are surprised or disappointed, don’t take it personally and try to establish exactly what is going on for the child to make them feel that.

Play MARMITE by sticking LOVE IT at one end of the room and HATE IT at the other. Call out various statements and ask children to stand somewhere along the line from love it to hate it. Start with general and then focus in on church issues. e.g. Swimming, mint ice-cream, going to bed late………. coming to church, singing, colouring in sheets, praying etc.

Play When the wind blows by standing in a circle and calling out different statements. If it applies to the child, they move as if being blown by the wind and swap places with another child. Start with general statements and then use church related ones. e.g. The Wind Blows all those who: like chocolate, have a pet, play football, enjoys coming to church, likes going back in to church half way through the service etc.

tory telling - Show a picture of a boy/girl (from the internet) and say ‘This is Sam. He’s recently moved here and he’s never been to church before. When he meets you in the play ground he wants to know what it’s like at St Michael’s’ (replace with the name of your church) One leader asks the questions, another leader scribes the children’s answers. Don’t make comments about them, simply allow everyone who wants to, have a say. By using a fictional character, children have confidence to say how they really feel.

Will Sam like coming here?
What will he think the best part about coming is?
What will he find the worst part about coming?
If Sam could make changes in church, what would they be?
What will Sam’s favourite place at church be?
If Sam is sad about church, what would make him sad?
What happens with Sam misbehaves here?
What happens if Sam comes but wants to go home again?
What will he think about the adults that come here?
What will he think about this group?
What will he think about the other children?

My say postcards
Print off simple postcards asking children to write or draw what they think about something and display them anonymously. Each year, I do this at Devon County show with a postcard that says ‘I think church is…………………………….. because…………………….’

It’s brilliant to read the honesty of children and it helps in working out how to make things better for children. See separate download of responses and cards to download.

What does the bible say about children
from Diocese of Liverpool website http://www.liverpool.anglican.org/userfiles/file/Listen%20to%20a%20child%20pack/What%20does%20the%20Bible%20say%20about%20children.pdf

A child is a gift from God Psalm 127:3

God’s love for us? Hosea 11:4, Isaiah 66:12-13

Jesus – contact with children:

Bread and fish John 6:8-15

Persistent mother Mark 7:24-30

Boy with evil spirit Mark9:14-32

Jairus’ daughter Mark 5:21-43

Jesus’ message to adults?

To care for them Mark 10:14

Welcome them Mark 9:37

Change and become like a child Matthew 18:10

Do not despise them Matthew 18:10

Do not cause a child to lose faith Matthew 18:6

Do not stop children coming to Jesus Matthew 19:14

God’s Kingdom belongs to those such as children Matthew 19:14
Children and babies can offer perfect praise Matthew 21:16

God speaks through children

Children in the Bible were not asked to put ideas into how to run an all-age synagogue or what kind of felts they’d like to go with their colouring sheets or whether they’d prefer grape juice or water! Children in the Bible (David, Samuel, Joseph, Josiah, Jesus). Children in the Bible spoke God’s words and gave many spiritual teachings to God’s people. Where can children speak spirituality in the life of your church?

Children will remain children so don’t limit their understanding to whether they can verbalise it in adult language – learn to listen to what they are saying and take it seriously even if it doesn’t sound sophisticated.

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children’ Matthew 11:25

Participation is fundamental, not fluffy

By Sir Paul Ennals Tuesday, 09 August 2011, CYP Now

If you ask most people who work with children and young people, they will say it is a good thing to encourage their active participation in decision-making.

But how much of a good thing do they really think it is? I get the impression that for many – maybe even for most – it is desirable, but not essential. Great to talk about, great sometimes to do, but an early target when the search for budget cuts begins. Participation work has been seen as “fluffy”, not rigorously delivered. Of course we should do it – the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child says we should– but does it really matter?

Yes it does. It is one of the most important themes that should be running through children and youth services, it lies at the heart of tackling much of the disengagement that many young people feel from their society, and it has a key part to play in supporting emotional and social development and preparing young people for adult responsibilities. ……

As a result, many young people feel disempowered in their schools and communities. They feel decisions are taken that affect their lives without their involvement. They feel we tell them what to do – they react by telling us where to go.

Instead, we need to start embedding adult responsibilities into the lives of children and young people much earlier, more systematically and more broadly. In schools, while we are now used to seeing school councils debating some issues, real participation is more honoured in the breach than the observance. The evidence base in support of engaging pupils systematically is now strong. Schools that engage pupils in forming their behaviour policies see a marked reduction in poor behaviour. Schools that involve pupils in managing the maintenance budget see reductions in graffiti and vandalism. Schools that have involved pupils in recruiting teaching staff find their staff stay longer and report higher satisfaction levels. Similar evidence emerges from research into involving children in care services and in health.

So practical evidence supports it; good participation work is cost-effective and brings positive results. If we are to secure jobs for the next generation, and secure their greater buy-in to their communities, we need to take much more seriously the art of participation.

Sir Paul Ennals is chair of the Children’s Workforce Development Council

Can children be involved in formal meetings?

Participation Works has been produced by local authority for early years settings but definitely worth thinking about how much children are participating in what happens to them in church or their kids club. See the separate PDF download called ‘Let’s Listen’.

To order paper copies of Let’s listen (price £8) and find out about the range of publications available from the Early Childhood Unit at NCB, please e-mail [email protected].

Let’s Listen Profile and planning tables (103 KB DOC)
Let’s Listen Recording and findings table (42 KB DOC)
Let’s Listen Overall Assessment form (24 KB DOC)

The idea of an 8 year old attending a PCC meeting and having their contribution to the discussion of church life taken seriously might sound like la-la-land. But children can and do have opinions which need to be heard.

If you’d like to explore how to facilitate their participation in formal meeting, have a look at these packs which have been developed by Participation Works http://www.participationworks.org.uk/resources/making-change-happen

Watch some videos about helping children participate in decisions made about their lives and activities: Participation Video

http://www.learning-southwest.org.uk/page/Participation-Videos

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Tags: children say?, helping children, children, church, listening

IS THE CHURCH LISTENING TO WHAT CHILDREN SAY?

Why listen to children